Thinking Out Loud With My Head in the Clouds

wordpress

2009-04-18T15:24:00.002-05:00

I've been playing with switching to WordPress to Blog for a little while. I've finally figured it out this week and it's official that I will be posting all future blogs there!

So, switch your RSS feeds to liarenee.wordpress.com!

Thanks! Come visit me soon!

Malia

New, New, New!

2009-04-12T18:18:00.008-05:00

Just a few new pictures!

to my friend

2009-04-11T11:30:00.005-05:00

My dear friend, Tim, is blogging again and it's inspiring. Since it's been a long time since I've heard about his life and, in the meantime, my life is changing drastically, I thought I'd write my current catch-up-post in honor of him.

Dear Tim,

Well, I'm graduating in May. Technically I receive my diploma in August, but I'm walking in May. Phil sent me a job posting for a civilian job with the Air Force! I applied and had an interview... then I had to go online to pick where I was willing to work. Of all the places my boyfriend, James, and I have talked about living (including Australia and Africa) we've pretty much settled on Colorado (my home) and California (his home) for now. So those are the two for which I applied. James has been looking for work there also and has a great opportunity in Irvine.

After reading your blogs, I thought, "I wonder just how far I'd be from Tim and his church?" So I looked up your city on Facebook and checked the distance from Irvine. About an hour... but wait... El Segundo is just across a highway from Hawthorne. Which is where the Air Force base is! So I just wanted to let you know that we might be neighbors!

So... while I'm here, I may as well ask, does your church need a worship leader? Because I know this really amazing guy looking for a church.

Anyway, I hope things are going amazing in your life! I'd love to find out how things have changed in your life in the last year! I still really hope to get to visit you sometime soon, get to introduce you and James while I get to know Tara better!

Have a Happy Easter!
Malia
(don't worry, everyone who knows me well calls me Malia. It shows who's a close friend and who isn't.)

Another fun photoshop creation. :D

Matthew 18:3-4

2009-02-28T12:19:00.000-06:00

I’m telling you once and for all, unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in.

Starting over at square one in my relationship with God has always been so frustrating to me. I get so far and then slip and lose everything. But, according to this verse, it’s a blessing in disguise.

I can't believe it's Christmas

2009-02-26T10:31:00.005-06:00

I bought a website. You should go check out my newest idea for getting practice in taking pictures.

Lia Renee Photo

So much is happening and changing in life right now and I just hope I'm taking it in the right direction... because with as much fun as I'm having, it seems like this just can't be a good thing...

Did I tell you I bought Photoshop? I love my photographing life.

(I know... I know... you're saying, Christmas? But YOU bought this stuff! It just feels like Christmas...that's all.)

Update: I decided that I'm sticking to blogger for a little bit longer... I want some more changes soon, but for now this has the best options.

Prête ou pas!

2009-02-25T12:14:00.001-06:00

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Getting ready to graduate with my undergrad, the rest of my life seems more challenging than I ever excepted it to be. I really hope I’m up for the challenge.

As the title says: Ready or Not!

Get ready world, here I come!

If you guessed that I’m the duck burying my head in the icy water, you’re probably right. At least I’m not the one with my beak iced shut... poor ducks.

Shipped!

2009-02-24T17:32:00.003-06:00

It's on it's way and I could pee my pants! Well, actually I'm a little parched right now... sorry, back to the excitement!

I am the proud new owner of a.... drumroll please...

Yes! It's true! It's finally mine! (As soon as it comes to my doorstep anyway.)

-If you can't tell from the tiny picture that is a Canon EOS Rebel XTi-

It's not by any means my final camera and it will still need extra lenses and a lot more memory, but I'm SO excited to finally have a starting place!

How interesting!

2009-02-16T18:53:00.000-06:00

Our Model Marriage

I have to admit, I'm excited to see what changes Obama can make in our country. If his marriage is what people are saying it is, gObama! I know that this adds pressure to the relationship, so I'm kinda afraid that mistakes will be made and it will throw even more people into a "why try?" mentality. But, I hope the best for them and their kids! (Especially, little Malia!)

The latest thing I'm enjoying learning! Montages:

2009-02-12T13:21:00.005-06:00

"Toute Chose Belle" means "All Things Beautifull" from Ecclesiastes 3:11

5/8

2009-02-11T15:18:00.001-06:00

In two days I'll be five-eighths of the way through my senior year!

So relieving!

James 4:7-10

2009-02-07T10:52:00.004-06:00

"So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor."

I listened to Pastor Brady's sermon a while back on grief. I really encourage anyone to listen to it, but especially those affected by by the events of Ted/11. His message just encouraged us to let it out. All of it.

I just read this passage today and was encouraged, once again, not to hold pain inside. Give it all to God. Don't hold a single tear back. Whether it be from others' sins that affected you or your own mistakes in life, just humble yourself and let go. The only reason not to let it all out is to feel like you can hold onto some of your self-assurance, but self-assurance gets you nowhere. It only drags you down further. Put your trust and hope in God and "He will lift you up in honor."

New Pictures... with a watermark for fun!

2009-02-02T21:20:00.005-06:00

"A Million Parachutes"

2009-01-29T13:10:00.005-06:00

(Chorus)
I miss the warmth
And I miss the sun
I miss the ocean
I miss everyone
And I miss the bridges
That span across the bay
Tonight, it seems like ages ago

(Verse 1)
Like a million parachutes
The snow's coming down
I'll lock up the front door
And turn the lights down
In the glow of the street lights
I see them descend
Like a million parachutes
Small men on a mission

(Verse 2)
Like a million parachutes
the snow still falls
The dogs are asleep now
There's no one to call
I'll put on some records
And wait for the light
Under those million parachutes
Now a blanket of white.

This song has been a favorite of mine for a long time. Somehow it speaks of home to me (which is a blog that's been brewing for a while, but I don't feel I can do it justice yet) even though home has not yet consisted of oceans and bridges that span bays. But being cooped up for three days because of ridiculous Missouri weather, this song means so much to me now. The weather starts out as a beautiful thing--I'm excited to bundle up and go out for some pictures--but by day three, I wish the dogs would wake up, or that I had someone to call, because records are so much more fun to listen to with others. I'm just waiting for the sun to come back out and warm up my life.

I'm really ok, just missing people. And the song makes me sappy. :)

As You Wish

2008-12-25T22:31:00.003-06:00

I think that Princess Bride is incredibly deceiving. I've recently discovered that As You Wish does NOT, in fact, mean I Love You. I just wanted to share that with anyone who may still be deceived.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. ;) JK *

*That last comment just seemed appropriate because this isn't a very uplifting Christmas Day blog. I have in fact had a GREAT Christmas.

I'm pretty sure I've blogged this before.

2008-12-13T11:05:00.002-06:00

I was just thinking and praying and realized something.

Maybe it's not about me. :)

I've been trying to find who I am.... I don't think that's what I should be looking for.

"He must become greater; I must become less."

Finding myself isn't the point. Finding who God is... is.

Make me more like You.

A Truly Southern Experience

2008-12-07T23:31:00.013-06:00

I headed out to Aunt Donna's after a scrumptious meal at Las Margaritas and a nap today. I had some things I had to take to her and some unfinished business at her house. I returned her granddaughter's bottle and then spent some good time with her family. But that is all before my eventful drive.

I had gotten a text message from James before I left and asked if I could call him once I got on the road, so as soon as I pulled out of the driveway I did. Being preoccupied, I forgot to check my gas level before leaving town and there is pretty much NOTHING between Poplar Bluff and Farmington. I was trying not to panic, knowing that my car can go a while after the light comes on. (Don't ask how I know that.) I shifted into neutral going down hills and did everything I could think of, including slowing down. Finally I spotted it. A beautiful sight and for only 1.529 a gallon (which isn't much compared to 1.29 in Neeleyville is it Aunt Malia?) and since I don't even know where that is I rejoiced at the 1.52, very comparable to Poplar Bluff prices and it was right where I needed it to be.

My rejoicing lessened at what I saw next.
I thought to myself, "I don't even know how to use one of these things! I have to go inside to swipe my credit card? Oh well, God is with me, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I was honestly incredibly intimidated.

I pulled up beside it and started out of my car, wallet in hand. A tall young man, couldn't've been much older than I am, came out the door and headed straight towards me. I figured he could tell I was hopeless. He didn't look harmful, looked like he wanted to help so, as he approached my pump, I said, "Do I need to pre-pay?"

"Nope. We'll pump it for ya', 'round these parts." He shrugged his carhartt coat a little tighter and shifted his cheek full of chew. "How much do you want?"

"Oh, thank you very much." I was definitely stumbling. I thought the only place you could get service at a gas station was in Mexico. "You can fill him full." I sat back down in my driver's seat, watched some clouds go by, thinking that it was actually quite a waste of time having two of us there. Somehow, though, feeling lady-like having someone pump my gas for me like that. Like I just couldn't get my hands dirty.

If fact, he was like a knight in shining...overalls? And, well, they weren't exactly shiny.

We walked together inside and he swiped my credit card in the machine. But... he stood on my side of the counter and used the machine that customers usually use. It was all very odd and awkward. Still somehow sweet and cute.

I couldn't stop laughing about it all the way to Desloge. "I'll pump it for ya', 'round these parts."

Where AM I?

And the results are in!

2008-11-23T00:18:00.003-06:00

Published Nov 22, 2008
SEMO students end Global Entrepreneurship Week with innovative ideas

In his YouTube video, Taylor Hartwell makes a bowl, ear muffs and a jump rope out of duct tape.

"Check this out!" he loudly pants as he bounces in a dorm room, swishing through the silvery jump rope. "Ahhhhh! Feel the burn!"

"Owwww, I'm bleeding!" he howls. "Anyone have a Band-Aid? No, but I have duct tape," he answers himself, arms waving wildly.

Hartwell's video did not win him first place or $1,000, but it did earn the biggest laughs Friday during the closing event of Global Entrepreneurship Week at Southeast Missouri State University. On Monday, students had been assigned the challenge of creating value out of the everyday object of duct tape.

The announcement of video winners Friday wrapped up a week of activities, including speakers, panel discussions and workshops. Global entrepreneurship is recognized by millions of people worldwide. This is the first year Southeast participated in the week.

"Making something out of nothing. That's the essence of entrepreneurship and innovation," said Dr. James Stapleton, director of the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies at Southeast.

For Hartwell, the value of duct tape was comedy. For others, it was monetary or social.

"It got people to think in ways they normally don't. It was a really great way to promote the idea of entrepreneurship," said senior Malia Mondy.

Besides a showing of video contest winners Friday, there was also an unveiling of Southeast's "Start-Up Cafe," a remodeled student lounge where students will be able to use one of two computers to socially network with business-oriented students worldwide.

The winners of the "Imagine It! Innovation Challenge" are listed below. Fifty-eight videos were submitted.

— Greek Social Organization: Team Lambda Chi Alpha, led by Joe Craig. Students suggested using duct tape to cover up logos and the names of Greek organizations to create unity.

— Residence Hall: Team The Jeeps, led by Veselin Georgiev. Students proposed using duct tape in classrooms for experiments to spark interest in math and science.

— Student Body: Team Awesome, led by Eric Kaysinger. Students used duct tape to make cheap Christmas items, such as a stocking and a tree.

— Student Organizations: Team University Players, led by Christina Vitale. Students "went green" by showing how duct tape can be used in environment-friendly ways.

— People's Choice: Team JAC, led by Ashley Woods. Students placed duct tape over their mouths and held signs saying "I'm a listener today" to show support for people battling depression.

"Some students defined value in pretty unique ways," Stapleton said.

Monday's speaker was J. Kim Tucci, co-founder of The Past House Co.; on Tuesday, Don Steen, Missouri's director of agriculture, presented "Growing Entrepreneurs"; on Wednesday, Dr. Kevin Woefel, director of the school of music at the University of Idaho, discussed "Entrepreneurship in the Arts," and a panel of speakers discussed global entrepreneurship Thursday.

lbavolek@semissourian.com

388-3627
List of winners
The winning teams are listed below, with links to their YouTube videos.
1st place - Greek Social Organization - Team Name: Lambda Chi Alpha, Team Leader: Joe Craig, Sophomore, Pre-Business Major

1st Place - Residence Hall Floor - Team Name: The Jeeps, Team Leader: Veselin Georgiev, Freshman Honors , Computer Science

1st Place - Student Body - Team Name: Awesome, Team Leader: Eric Kaysinger, Junior, Business Management

1st Place - Student Organizations - Team Name: University Players, Team Leader: Christina Vitale, Sophomore Honors, Speech & Theatre Education / Theatre and Dance

1st Place - People's Choice - Team Name: Team JAC, Team Leader: Ashley Woods, Junior, Accounting and Management Information Systems

An Article in the Southeast Missourian:

2008-11-18T15:16:00.001-06:00

Published Nov 18, 2008
Southeast Missouri State University kicks off Global Entrepreneurship Week

Pasta House co-founder J. Kim Tucci never planned a career in the restaurant industry.

In the few years following his 1962 graduation from St. Louis University, Tucci was a disc jockey at a rock 'n' roll station, a college professor and an athletic trainer for the St. Louis Hawks basketball team.

"All these things were neat experiences at the time," Tucci told a capacity crowd of 400 students, college officials and community leaders Monday inside Glenn Auditorium at Southeast Missouri State University. "I was single and happy. ... There were many hours in the day and I loved to spend them."

Tucci was the keynote speaker during the Global Entrepreneurship Week opening ceremony. KFVS12 vice president and general manager Mike Smythe handled questions for Tucci from the audience.

This week, students from Southeast are joining millions of other college students from more than 75 countries for panels, presentations and competitions aimed at representing the diversity of real-world entrepreneurs.

In addition to his previous jobs, Tucci worked as a waiter, though he never dreamed he would be an owner of a restaurant chain that has more than 2,000 employees working at 33 locations mostly in Missouri, including one inside Cape Girardeau's West Park Mall.

Tucci told the audience one key to his success in the food industry was waiting several years and gaining additional experience before opening the first Pasta House in 1974.

"When you get out of school, you don't have to open your own business right away," Tucci said. "You'll have to learn from other people. Seize every opportunity that presents itself to do other things."

He added that in any business it is important to exceed the customer's expectations, which Tucci believes the Pasta House has done in a business in which they compete with other family-style restaurants.

"You have to reach out and engage people," Tucci said. "We have to include ourselves and other people in what we're doing.

"Things don't matter," he added. "People will always matter."

In addition to Tucci, other speakers scheduled to appear throughout the week include Don Steen, director of the Missouri Department of Agriculture; Dennis Payne, retired president and chief executive officer of AT&T Advertising and Publishing; and Kevin Woelfel, director of the Lionel Hampton School of Music at the University of Idaho in Moscow, Idaho.

The week will end with the dedication of a virtual global cafe and presentation of the Imagine It! Innovation Challenge awards. Fifty-eight teams made up of students from residence halls, Greek social organizations, classes and other student groups will attempt to create as much value as possible using duct tape. Each team will have until 6 a.m. Friday to chronicle their efforts in a three-minute video posted on YouTube. The audience during a Friday afternoon session will judge the winner of various categories.

Senior international business major Malia Mondy said she was excited for the challenge that lies ahead for her and fellow teammates of Talking Smackk.

"This is a great way to get us to think in ways we haven't done before and using an object that we haven't used for such a purpose," said Mondy, whose team is made up of classmates from an entrepreneurial business course.

Southeast president Dr. Kenneth Dobbins said developing an entrepreneurial mindset is critical for students to survive in today's market.

"We face some challenges in the 21st century," Dobbins said. "Many of us know that entrepreneurship is the backbone of our country. And now is the time to think outside the box."

The New Place!

2008-11-18T00:07:00.003-06:00

I have a house! I know, crazy, right?

Well, it's not mine exactly, but I'm pretty stoked about it. Minus the fact that 5 other girls live there. :) But they all seem great so far! I'm almost all the way moved in and after Julie the Magnificent helped me put together a new desk, I built a bookshelf and a nightstand/file cabinet. ('Cause you know how night stands often double for file cabinets... or I'm just cheap... yeah ok, I'm just cheap.) Then today my double high twin airbed came in! Yeah! (If you know of anyone giving away a bed, I'll take pretty much anything! Cause I found out this thing about double high twin beds... they fit the sheets for regular twin beds! Which is great cause I don't need to buy new sheets, but... it makes for very skinny sleeping!)

The room is now vacuumed, which it very much needed! and mostly put together! I'm just waiting for my art back from the Society of Photographic Artists and I think it will feel like home.

Like I said, I'm pretty stoked, I'll add pictures when I get them.

I'll probably still drive back to PB on Thursdays and stay til Sundays for the rest of the semester, but it sure will be nice to have my stuff in Cape and a place to go when I need to get away from campus, but be close enough to get back any time! It's been a good, challenging semester and all I can say is... 4 MORE WEEKS! I can handle that!

P.S. I forgot to mention the best part! Roof access! Yeah, I'm a lucky ducky!

Not that you wanted to think about it...

2008-11-04T11:18:00.002-06:00

I was just wondering the other day about David.

God seemed to be pretty pleased with him and pretty upset with Michal...

so why don't Christian's strip in God's presence?

I'm actually kind of serious... I really want to know.

There's this part of me that thinks maybe people haven't really experienced His presence and how good it is! Not that I want church to be any weirder than it is... but it's just had me curious lately.

I had the time of my life...

2008-10-25T17:35:00.017-05:00

and I owe it all to Vivina.

I just got my birthday present in the mail from Viv, and aside from not getting to see her, my birthday this year was perfect! I honestly didn't think she could find a present that would have made it any better. She did! I'm blown away... you have to check this out:

Cranium has a new version of their board game out with real people...well... yeah people!

Not only are they "real people" but you can give them hair and hats! It's like playing with dolls... and Cranium at the same time!

So here I have a little cheerleader and a golfer.

Here I have a rocker and the professor:

Then here I have... :) A Cowleader and a ditzy-blonde croc-hunter, and there's the... yeah, I won't even try...

Ok, seriously... playing dress up with cranium dolls absolutely made my day! So, thank you Viv, for the time of my life. I love you!

Oh Happy Day!

2008-10-20T18:39:00.004-05:00

I've been accused of leaving important life details out: like selling Isaac, my five-year faithful friend the 2000 Saturn with 115,000+ miles

and getting Samuel, my 1996 Honda Civic EX with 39,000 miles.

Next, I thought I'd tell you about my awesome birthday...
I got home Thursday of Fall break at about 4 and at the airport, along with my family, was James and a handful of gerber daisies. (The sneak somehow found out they're my favorite!)

I had a party that night with people I love, and though there were a few missing, it was a wonderful night. Chicken enchiladas, lemon cake and a friendly game of apples-to-apples. I have wonderful people in my life.

Friday morning James picked me up and made me breakfast. :) Eggs with lots of vegetables I've never eaten before, and it was WONDERFUL! Then we went to NLC and the WPC (the France flag was flying once again!) for a little bit. It was fantastic. Friday night I spent with my family at Denver United Church. It's a church plant that Andrew is helping with! It's really fantastic!I got to see many more old friends and I really loved being there!

Then came Saturday which started off with a Pumpkin Spice Latte (it's really fall!) with my momma and then a haircut at Darci's. (Thanks! I LOVE the color! It's so much better!)

After Darci's I played some Cities and Knights and then went to one of "our" parks with James. (We have a few, but we definitely went to the prettiest.) He had recently written me a song and because he hasn't ever played any of "my" songs for me that's what he did. It was amazing. And not only was the song amazing but the colors in the park were equally amazing... he had told me to bring my camera and I was so glad! Notice the ducks on the right? :)

Yeah...I think he might be the best thing that's happened to me. Mom says she's only ever heard good things from everyone who knows him and Dad and the sibs love him a lot. I'm just continually thankful.

(P.S. Phil, thanks for the scarf! Doesn't it look good?!)

Note

2008-10-10T19:24:00.003-05:00

A friend tagged me in a note today on facebook and it really has me thinking.

Through all the crap that happened with Justin and April after I moved to Missouri, how have I grown, what have I learned and how am I better?
I can't come up with too much that doesn't resemble bitterness. Which is probably why it still hurts so much when I see them. (This wasn't the case a few weeks ago... I can't really explain what changed, but it started hurting again.) I completely forgot that God allows things to happen so I can become a better person... because I forgot, so far I have completely failed the test.
So... how have I grown? Or... how can I grow? It's hard not to think things like, don't trust people who aren't trustworthy, but as I said... bitterness.
I suppose a better one would be: don't expect too much from people, don't rely on them because God is the only one who meets those high expectations. People will always let you down even when they're you're best friends. Vivina has let me down, but I've forgiven and loved her anyway. She hasn't hurt me since jr. highschool.
I guess the hardest part is that I've convinced myself they were dishonest, covering up mistakes instead of coming out in the open with them. In which case, I can learn from their mistakes. Be open with my friends, even when I know what I've done has hurt them.

Cut the expectations and be able to forgive when people aren't perfect and be honest. I guess three things is a good start, now I need to apply these things. So I can reap the benefits of what I've learned and be able to be thankful that it happened. Just like I learned to be thankful for twentyfourseven.

Here She Is!

2008-09-27T10:09:00.002-05:00

http://www.overstock.com/Electronics/Olympus-Evolt-E410-10-MP-Digital-SLR-2-Lens-Bonus/3370113/product.html

Olympus Evolt E-410, with two lenses: 14-42mm and 40-150mm, 3 filters, 4 gig memory
plus a bunch of extras for $640.

Camera Shopping

2008-09-23T16:26:00.009-05:00

I want a digital SLR. So much that it hurts to see how much a package I want costs.

Consumer Reports ranks these as the "best/cheap" SLRs with the Olympus being half the cost of the Nikon. Interesting.

"I'll take Olypus for $450, please, Alex." But I think I'd take anything about now. Just so long as anything comes with a body AND a lens. I'd be even happier with 2... a say 18-55mm and 55-200mm ish. ;)

But, aren't they pretty?

6 things, 7

2008-09-20T21:28:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about the sabbath lately. I've been trying to take a sabbath, one full day, that is. It has never been quite this hard, I don't think...

Anyway, I guess what I've realized is that God worked 6 days, and the 7th he rested. It doesn't say "God worked 8-5 6 days" he worked 6 whole days. When did we decide we should only work 8 hours a day? Not saying I'm going to stop sleeping... but I've realized, that I play so much on my 5 or six days of "working" that I don't get all my stuff done in time to take the whole day of the sabbath off. I'm working (no pun intended) on really working hard when I'm suppose to so that I can rest and play hard when I'm suppose to. I'm afraid it's going to be a gradual process, but I'll get there.

I think even if I worked hard for only 5 days without breaks, I could play hard one day and rest one day. I think my life would be substantially more fulfilled.

Now's when I get started on the working hard part. :)

1/8

2008-09-17T16:17:00.002-05:00

In six hours I'll be one/eighth of the way through my senior year. I'm really happy about that. :D

DC Quotes

2008-09-17T10:52:00.002-05:00

Vivina: Malia's going to be the giraffe
Carol's the turtle -- she really is a turtle
I wanted to be the tiger but we don't have one... this is an outrage, I'm going back.
Well, I'm going to be the eagle cause I'm an air force girl.
Caitlin: What animals are there?
Vivina: (naming animals).... And a pig
Carol: That's a rabbit.
Caitlin: Well, if it's a pig, then I want that.
Lia: No, it's definitely a rabbit.
Caitlin: I'll take the donkey.

Caity: OMG! We're a Colorado caravan!
Viv: ...We're still in Colorado...

Carol: Look! One of those buildings is the tallest and the rest of those are the shortest! Ha! That's funny!

Malia: the last time I ordered subway I couldn't say pickles in French...

Caity: I was thinking, "everyone's honking and we're gonna get raped! ...oh pretty!" (the sunset)

Cultured

2008-09-13T20:39:00.006-05:00

One of my favorite country songs goes a little something like this:
I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not and I'm sure happy with what I've got,
I live to love and laugh a lot, that's all I need.

I come from a country type family... all my ancestors were hicks. :) So it's fitting that I've moved into at least a little country music. And living in southern Missouri, I feel like I'm getting a little picture of what I came from. I love my family! ...but some things still surprise me, like how big a deal it was for my grandpa when I caught my first fish worth taking home:All I could think was Brian Regan: She's a beauty fish, a beauty fish, a... she's a beauty!
I think the best part about the weekend I caught this bass was that two days before I was ballroom dancing downtown with my two best friends:
And the weekend before? Wine tasting.

You didn't really want to know, did you?

2008-09-06T23:10:00.003-05:00

It's been quite some time since I updated you all on my hygiene quirks... So for some reason I thought you all might like to know my most recent triumph:

I enjoy brushing AND flossing my teeth!!

You see, I realized that I didn't a few years ago, when a fellow 24/7er told me that she hated taking showers. She said that if it were possible/acceptabe--however you want to look at it--she would never shower. She hated smelling, so she showered daily, but she never got out and thought, I feel so much better. I said, that's how I am with brushing my teeth. I hate it! Flossing's even worse though... Until the day I found the floss pick! I really didn't floss often before it, and it took me a while to get into it, but I love it now! I LOOK FORWARD to flossing! And brushing just leaves me ready to face whatever may come my way! It's an incredible thing for me, it really is!

States

2008-08-05T15:41:00.003-05:00

Been to Orange, Lived in Bold, Haven't been to Purple. Not bad...

Alabama (AL)
Arizona (AZ)
Arkansas (AR)
California (CA)
Colorado (CO)
Florida (FL)
Hawaii (HI)
Idaho (ID)
Illinois (IL)
Indiana (IN)
Iowa (IA)
Kansas (KS),
Kentucky (KY),
Louisiana (LA),
Maryland (MD),
Minnesota (MN),
Mississippi (MS),
Missouri (MO),
Nebraska (NE),
Nevada (NV),
New Mexico (NM),
New York (NY),
North Dakota (ND),
Ohio (OH),
Pennsylvania (PA),
South Dakota (SD),
Tennessee (TN),
Texas (TX),
Utah (UT),
Virginia (VA),
Washington (WA),
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Treasure in Heaven/I Am Nothing

2008-07-31T10:11:00.003-05:00

I'm listening to Francis Chan's message from last Sunday and didn't actually expect it to play into this blog... but it did! His wife read a verse that actually tied this thought together with something I'm learning that started in me at Desperation this year.

I started praying for God to make me nothing. I stopped praying for God to make me a good daughter, student, girlfriend, sister, friend, etc. and I started asking him to make me nothing at all. So that I can know when I am a good daughter etc. I know it's only through him that anything happened. So I asked for him to make me nothing and be everything.

After Desperation I was reading Matthew and came across the part in the sermon on the mount when he talks about storing your treasures in heaven. I admit, I haven't really come close to figuring this part out.

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

I've just been thinking lately: What ARE my treasures?

Then one morning when I woke up I started praying and I was thinking about Mom and thanking God for all she does and asking him to bless her and... you know, give her some sort of reward. (A lot of times I don't actually use words when I pray, because I can't find the right ones. I'm glad God knows the words I can't think of.) God spoke to me pretty clearly: HER reward is in Heaven.

And it's like... she knows that! So she doesn't mind doing all the work and not getting a thank you (most of the time.) and it really not even being recognized. Because she's doing it for God, not for herself of because she loves us so much. She has her heart is fixed on things above, not on earthly things.

I'm sorry this is getting so long...

Here's the passage Mrs. Chan read: (ummm... I actually forgot that this was what she read when I wrote this verse above... weird.)

Colossians 3:1-4 "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

Set your heart on things above. Store up treasures in heaven.
I died. I am nothing. Christ is my life.
My life is hidden with Christ in God. He is EVERYTHING I am, I am EVERYTHING He is.

Around the World?

2008-07-28T23:56:00.005-05:00

Almost! No Joke!

In the middle of May I drove from Missouri to Colorado Springs

Then I flew from CS to Dallas, to St. Louis, to Toronto, to Paris

Then I took a train to Angers and back to Paris

Then I flew from Paris, to Toronto, to St. Louis

Then I drove with Aunt Malia to Minneapolis

Then I drove with Mom and Dad back to Colorado Springs

Next I'm driving to DC and flying back

Then flying to San Diego and driving back

And finally I will be driving back to Cape Girardeau!

For a grand total of 20,177 miles

Around the equator, the earth is 24,900.

I really need to find somewhere else to go this summer that'll take me up another 5,000!

Oh well, I suppose all the way around the world in one year is good enough right? It's not one summer, but one year is quite an accomplishment for some! :) Like me! Mom made fun of me for figuring all that out and being so proud!

My "Photography" Site and Slideshow!

2008-07-17T16:20:00.002-05:00

I'm turning into Andrew! When I don't have time to think of something to say, I'll just add pictures! :) There are a few new pictures on here in case you've seen it before.

Lia Renée Photography

Maine-et-Loire

2008-06-18T11:43:00.001-05:00

My host mom took me to the point where the Maine (pronounced the same as "men") River runs into the Loire River last night. At sunset. The evening was full of priceless moments.
Every sight, from any angle would have made an award winning photograph.

The sun was already a little past reflecting off the water, but the sky had turned a little pink, the water was so many different colors! There was a crisp blue strip where the Maine meshed with the Loire and then there were deep purples and pinks and golds. I've never seen so many colors in one place. There were clouds of insects swarming just above our heads, but one look at the river and it didn't matter much. We started walking along the banks and my host mom pointed out the mini mansions on the sides of the river. Each one built a little sunroom where they could go and sit and watch whatever was happening on the river and enjoy the calm. There were empty boats docked all along the bank, just begging to be taken down the river. And as I turned a corner there was one lonely fisherman gently tossing his line. He was in no hurry, and apparently neither were the fish, but he enjoyed himself just the same. At one point I saw a break in the flow of the river and thought of a sort of short story written by Mark Twain, and I apprectiated not knowing what lay beneath and enjoyed the beauty simply for what I saw.

A minute later we were headed down a small cobblestone road. Walls made from slate lined it with flowers growing from the top. The peace was overwhelming. After walking a few blocks and looking at the beautiful medieval homes, we found our way back to the river in order to return to the car. A large rat was making quite a ruckus in the water, but we stopped by some small red flowers and Youna asked me how to say it in English, but I hadn't seen them before. She said it's called "coquelicot" and picked one, so I followed her lead. Just before we left she got as close to the water as she could and tossed the flower into the wind. Her mom put her arm around her and we watched the coquelicot float gracefully down the river.

Ahh... catch up!

2008-06-09T07:01:00.002-05:00

So I found 3 posts waiting as drafts that I had completely forgotten about! One was really no where near being finished and I'm in France, so I decided not to take the time to finish it now! :)

I'm really not a fan of catch up posts, which is why once I stop writing, I don't pick it back up very quickly... :) Peut-etre, that's why I haven't heard from Andrew, Phil, Dan or Tim in a very long time either! haha!

But since I'm in france I decided I should say SOMETHING!

I love it here! I really considered this week changing my major so I can come and study here in Angers all year next year and then graduate, but I really don't think it would help my current situation. The "I want to graduate/move to wherever city God has for James" situation. I think it might actually push graduation back so that I'd have TWO years left which would not only be awful it would be expensive too. :( All that to say... Angers is a really wonderful city!

It's all just so chillax! I go to classes in the matin and I read books/sit at cafes/hang with my host family/shop the rest of the day! Sunday I went to "la plage" which didn't have any sand on it because of flooding!! So I lay my towel out on the grace and watched the kids play in the lake. :)

I'm two chapters away from finishing A Severe Mercy... While it has kept me in tears a great deal, I think it will also be a major influence on my life! Though, I'm not very happy to say I find myself more like Sheldon than like Davy. I wish it weren't true, so I'm going to begin working hard to be like Davy. Thanks Phil for the recommendation (? I don't remember how to spell in English anymore!) I'm probably going to buy it when I get back so I can read it again. Splendid book! C'est superb!

(Tim, I decided to read Blue Like Jazz because of your blog, and now I'm telling you, if you are capable of reading my blog still, you should read this book! Tara will like it, too. Oh, and I'm sorry I didn't make it out before the summer! I'm flying to San Diego on August 20th, maybe James and I can make a trip up to see you and Tara while I'm there!)

My Songs:

2008-05-12T12:38:00.002-05:00

When people first meet me there are a few things that happen regularly. Here's a list in order of what happens most often.
1. "Say that again..."
2. "Spell that for me..."
3. Burst out into song: (in chronological order)
How do you solve a problem like Malia?
I just met a girl named Malia!
Malia, Malia, You remind me of a West Side Story.
Mal-ee-ah hee, Mal-ee-ah ho, Mal-ee-a ha-ha!
And now I have a new one... problem is I don't understand the words... but I'd say it's the most fitting, even though the name's not quite the same (none of the others were either) it is Hawaiian!

I found myself!

2008-05-11T19:43:00.002-05:00

Philippians 1:20-26

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

Ever since Tyler died I've pretty much just wanted to be in heaven. I was really jealous of him. (It's better BY FAR!) I sat in my car driving from Poplar Bluff to Forsyth listening to Philippians Chapter 1 over and over again and this section just kept standing out to me.

Oh my goodness!

2008-04-22T20:54:00.003-05:00

I am SO ready to be done with school! I can't even handle being here anymore! I miss my maman and I'm want to go to France! Oh yeah, French, huh?

De toute façon, je ne peux pas s'assiss ici un minute plus! Je veux beaucoup d'aller chez moi. Il ne serait pas trop mal, je ne pense pas, si je n'ai pas fait le devoir et d'aller a mes classes. Je pourrais rester a l'ecole.

Ugh!

2008-04-22T17:33:00.002-05:00

I'm doing a statistics project on Marriages and Divorces. Right now I'm researching trade journals to try to find anything worth reading and adding to my report. It's incredibly depressing.

I hate divorces.

I said once that I hate sin and I feel the same way right now. Sure, maybe divorce IS a sin. I'm just emphasizing it now. Divorce is terrible.

Also, I understand that sometimes it is better than to stay married, but from 1978 to 1997 (20 years) there were 47.762 million marriages and 23.512 million divorces. which means that 49.23% of every marriage ended in a divorce. I'm willing to bet that most of those 49% didn't need to end that way.

Much Ado About Shakespeare

2008-04-14T18:19:00.002-05:00

I decided today that I need to catch up on my Shakespeare reading. I've gotten so behind! I realized today that I call myself a Shakespeare fan and have only read 5 plays! The Tempest is to be my next.

In the meantime, here's a favorite scene. I got to play Beatrice my senior year in highschool:

BENEDICK

I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is
not that strange?

BEATRICE

As strange as the thing I know not. It were as
possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as
you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I
confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK

By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.

BEATRICE

Do not swear, and eat it.

BENEDICK

I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make
him eat it that says I love not you.

BEATRICE

Will you not eat your word?

BENEDICK

With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest
I love thee.

BEATRICE

Why, then, God forgive me!

BENEDICK

What offence, sweet Beatrice?

BEATRICE

You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to
protest I loved you.

BENEDICK

And do it with all thy heart.

BEATRICE

I love you with so much of my heart that none is
left to protest.

Is there something wrong with this picture?

2008-04-14T17:37:00.003-05:00

I found this on my home page today:

If World Votes, Does Obama Win?
If the U.S. presidential election were being held outside the country's borders — who would come out the victor?

---I didn't actually read this article from FoxNews, because it seems to me that if I wanted another country to choose my country's leader, I would relocate to their country, right?

ouais!

2008-04-10T22:55:00.002-05:00

English at the Bottom, :D
Il a été un jour très longs!

Après je me suis levé ce matin, j'ai décidé que je ne veux pas aller mon premier cours. :) J'ai lu des Philippians parce que je veux l'apprendre par coeur. Je connais 1:2-11 maintenant! Je suis fier. :D J'ai téléphoné ma maman d'école et elle m'a dit que elle a reçu son MacBook! Alors, Nous avons parlé et nous avons ri. C'était très bon pour moi! Il avait été trop longs.

Mon prof a dit que nous n'aurions pas notre cours cet après-midi, ainsi je suis allée à seule un cours! Mon cours communication. Nous faisons un project, ainsi je n'ai pas dû rester.

J'ai déjeuné avec mes amis, Raymond et Alex. Alex n'est pas un bon ami, mais nous a eu une bonne conversation aujourd'hui! C'était une surprise gentille! James (I don't know if TEXT is a verb in French yet or not!) m'a texté avec un vers de Bible, c'était très bon que je l'ai entendu. 2 Tim 2:16 lequel dit: Evite les discours creux et contraires à la foi. Ceux qui s'y adonnent s'éloigneront toujours plus de Dieu. C'était bon! Il a m'téléphoné et nous avons parlé de.... école, naturellement! Quoi encore! :(

Je pense que je veux l'école être le fin. J'en suis très fatigue. Aujourd'hui, I hit a wall. (too figurative for translation!) Il est plus tard dans le semestre pour moi, normallement je finis plus tôt. Mais, aujourd'hui, je suis fin. Avec seule un mois plus! Pourquoi, maintenant?!?! Je ne sais pas, mais je suis fatigue. J'espère que je recevrai le bons... grades! J'ai besoin de motivation.

Now let's see if I can translate my own blog!! :S (Sorry if this is choppy, sometime I forget English when I'm using French.)

It was a very long day!
After I got up this morning, I decided I didn't want to go to my first class. :) I read Philippians because I want to memorize it! I know 1:2-11! I'm pretty proud of that too! (Tangent--It's a great book! My favorite vers from this morning was "filled with the fruit of Righteousness through Christ Jesus." or something along those lines, I'll try it out in the morning and see how much I really have memorized. But I just kept praying that over me, I want to be filled with the fruit of Righteousness in order to bring glory to God.) I called my momma about school and she told me that she got her MacBook! (So jealous!) Then we talked and laughed. It was really good for me! It had been too long!

My prof (Finance) said we would not have our class this afternoon, so i went to only one class! My communication class. We are doing a project so i didn't have to stay. :)

I "lunched" (a verb I definitely think we need to start using in English) with my friends, Raymond and Alex. Alex isn't a good friend but we had a good conversation today! (Meaning he watched his mouth and didn't rag on other people too much.) It was a nice surprise. James texted me with a Bible verse, it was very good that I heard it. 2 Tim 2:16 which says: Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. (--It was especially meaningful having come out of a conversation with Ray and Alex!--)

--eh. I'm sorry, my brain is dead and my laundry is done... good night to all! if you want you can BabelFish it to translate! :D It might come out sounding pretty funny, but you can try! http://babelfish.altavista.com/

Getting Ready

2008-04-08T12:23:00.003-05:00

I decided this morning that I need to start preparing for France and that I want to start journaling every day. Maybe even in French. I thought about doing this on my other blog (my journal) but then I have no reason to be accountable! So I just thought I would prepare those of you who get my blog emailed to you that I you might be getting frequent emails with much more information than you want and possibly in words that mean absolutely nothing to you. I still have to decide if I'm going to, but it's a possibility because I know I want to be good at journaling while I'm there.

Love, love!

Restless Night:

2008-04-03T12:24:00.007-05:00

I went to bed early last night in order to get rid of a headache and be refreshed for two tests this morning. I was anything but refreshed. I fell asleep on my towel roll (for the headache) and part way through the night had some incredibly stressful dreams.

First, somehow I was convinced to watch a "scary movie." Don't know what it was or what it was even about, but I really didn't want to be there and I kept looking for a way out of it when I found my opportunity, I left and got myself into even more trouble there. Another story for another time.

The second dream was especially stressful. I was mostly awake--I knew full well that I was laying in my bed, but at the same time I was frantically throwing stuff in one of mom's green laundry baskets on my dorm room bed. I had decided Vivina's house would be my safe place to go. My room was on the opposite side of the hallway that it actually is, and though it looked just like my dorm room I was actually in an apartment complex. There was family abuse going on down the hallway. I guess I was trying to get out before they found out I knew what was going on and decided to hurt me as well. When out of no where I was protecting the woman's baby (her husband and her father-in-law were both abusive, apparently, because when she tried to go to the her father-in-law for help...well, she didn't get it.) So I was hiding the baby so they wouldn't hurt it, but they wouldn't leave the hallway, so for about three hours this morning I was tossing and turning trying to figure out a way to get out of the dorm with the baby. I couldn't fit through the windows (they open funny) and I definitely couldn't get the baby through safely. I thought I could put the baby under the laundry in the basket and sneak out, but they would still see me in the hallway and be suspicious. I was so afraid they would come to the door and he would start crying and that they would kill us both so I just stayed in my room.

It was so real because I was very awake most of the night--at least I think I was--so I just prayed and prayed and prayed. I thought maybe there was a struggle somewhere that God needed me to intercede for. So I prayed for the mom and the baby and to calm the fathers and for my own protection and anything I could think of. It went on most of the morning. I don't know when I finally fell back to sleep, but I think it was around 6:00 and I had my alarm set for 6:30. When I first woke up it was about 3:30 so, needless to say, my back and shoulders hurt today from the stress I felt last night. Even as I'm writing, my hands are shaking.

Oh, How He Love Us!

2008-03-31T17:12:00.002-05:00

This Semester

2008-03-24T15:55:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking this weekend about how much different this semester is than the Fall and I just figured it out.

I'm not doing church. Any kind of church. I end up at a different church every weekend and I'm not going to any campus... anything! BSU free lunch, but not Campus Crusade (which no longer exsists at SEMO), not BSU, not Campus outreach, not Cape First or First Baptist at Jackson, I went to a new Bible study... once... in the beginning of February.

So i just figured out what has been missing and why I don't really have friends anymore. I think this is the first time in my entire life.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do or if I'm going to do anything at all.

Crazy!

2008-03-20T14:02:00.002-05:00

I sorta forgot about Spring Break, huh? I went to church and that kept me smiling the rest of the week! :)

These floods on the other hand are threatening to ruin my Easter! :( I might have to stay at school even though we have a three day weekend, but I'm beginning to think maybe this is where God wants me... so I can have time with him.

Or maybe I can fly to San Diego instead. ???

Spring Break 2008 (3)

2008-03-08T19:28:00.002-06:00

5 things that made me smile today:
1-Daddy's breakfast
2-The Colorado Sky
3-Basketball games with happy outcomes and amazing refs (the ref. part does not refer to UNC/Duke...)
4-Amazing Chinese food at a Thai Restaurant and wonderful company
5-Preston

Spring Break 2008 (2)

2008-03-07T13:29:00.002-06:00

5 things that made me smile today:
1-I'm on the up and up.
2-I hugged my mom, dad, brothers, sisters, and puppies (and daddy made some awesome kabobs!)
3-I went to my Viv's birthday party!
4-I went to Starbucks to see "my boys".
5-I made music with my sister.

Spring Break 2008 (1)

2008-03-06T16:58:00.004-06:00

5 things that made me smile today:
1-I finished my midterms.
2-I changed my minor (Entrepreneurship!)
3-I may not have to wait till Christmas to see James.
4-I get to see my Aunt tonight and David tomorrow.
5-I'm leaving for France in 85 days!

Asleep, my love?

2008-03-04T07:43:00.001-06:00

Pyramus

O wherefore, Nature, didst thou lions frame?
Since lion vile hath here deflower'd my dear:
Which is--no, no--which was the fairest dame
That lived, that loved, that liked, that look'd
with cheer.
Come, tears, confound;
Out, sword, and wound
The pap of Pyramus;
Ay, that left pap,
Where heart doth hop:

Stabs himself
Thus die I, thus, thus, thus.
Now am I dead,
Now am I fled;
My soul is in the sky:
Tongue, lose thy light;
Moon take thy flight:

Exit Moonshine
Now die, die, die, die, die.

Dies

Thisbe

Asleep, my love?
What, dead, my dove?
O Pyramus, arise!
Speak, speak. Quite dumb?
Dead, dead? A tomb
Must cover thy sweet eyes...
Tongue, not a word:
Come, trusty sword;
Come, blade, my breast imbrue:

Stabs herself
And, farewell, friends;
Thus Thisby ends:
Adieu, adieu, adieu.

Dies

the carpenters

2008-03-03T19:08:00.004-06:00

One fine day, you'll look at me
And you will know our love was, meant to be
One fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl

The arms I long for, will open wide
And you'll be proud to have me, right by your side
One fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl

Up and Up

2008-03-02T10:17:00.003-06:00

Yesterday is not quite what it could've been... As were most of all the days before. But I swear today--with every breath I'm breathing in--I'll be trying to make it so much more.

Cause I seem to get so hung up on the history of what's gone wrong, and the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see. And though I'm finally catching onto it... that past is just a conduit. And the light there at the end is where I'll be.

Cause I'm on the up and up. And I haven't given up on what I know I'm capable of. And I'm on the up and up. There's nothing left to prove, cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you.

To be prosperous would not require much of me... You see, contentment is the one thing it entails. To be content with where I am and getting where I need to be. I'm moving past the past where I have failed.

You never cease to supply me with what I need for a good life. So when I'm down I'll hold my head up high, cause you're the reason why I'm on the up and up.

I think Matthew Thiessen is the most brilliant lyricist ever.

Dans mon cœur...

2008-02-16T22:33:00.005-06:00

My roommate is Mexican en su corazón. Basically, saying you are something in your heart, means that your not that.

Well, I was thinking today and I decided that I just may be un homme dans mon cœur. Yes, that's right. A man in my heart.

I found out tonight that 4 of my guy friends were going to have a guys night: they were going to watch Bourne Identity, because Nathan had never seen any of the Bournes. I really wanted to be there.

I went to a girls night last night. As much as I loved it, I REALLY had fun once we all decided to go to a coffee shop and these same 4 guys were there. I really didn't talk to the girls any more (our "official party" had ended anyway.) Well, I ended up with the guys another 3 hours last night and... man, it was fun! (No pun intended.) I was really looking forward to hanging out tonight, but then I realized they didn't want me there. Because I'm a girl.

I started wondering why I was always drawn to crowds with only men, which is when I remembered my childhood. I mean, I'm not really that much like a guy... I don't play a lot of sports. Ok, I don't play any sports. I'm not that good at many video games (but I'll put up a good fight in Mario Kart, let me tell you!) I don't like poker, or the thrill of doing something really dangerous. But...I really want to be there. I just want to watch! I would rather watch sports, video games, poker and dangerous things than be girly. Perhaps, because that's what I did growing up. One of my favorite memories... don't ask me why... was one day all the boys were playing football next to our White Fawn house. I sat in a window high up above them--and watched. I don't think I really wanted to play with them, I mean, the sun was shining on me and I was making patterns on my nose with the window screen. I was so happy just to be a part of it in my own way.

When I was little I almost never got to watch my princess movies. My brothers hated them and I ALWAYS was outvoted 3 to 1. So I grew up on whichever little boy movies my mom let them watch. And I guess I kinda grew accustomed to it. As much as I'll enjoy a good chick flick, if there's a good clean guy movie (like the Bournes for example) I'll enjoy it 10x more. There's a time and season for everything, but more often than not, I'll choose Mr. and Mrs. Smith to --yes, even-- Pride and Prejudice.

This is definitely too long now... but I have one more thing to say! At the end of all my ponderings I realized, it was much easier to be included in all the guy stuff when my brothers gave me an excuse to be there. It's so much harder now. Basically, I have to be someone's girlfriend if I'm not someone's sister. That really stinks--a lot!

I miss my brothers. I guess guys are just more fun.

sleep

2008-02-13T12:00:00.008-06:00

I've been thinking about how pathetic my life is.

By my actions, I have been basically living to sleep.

My roommate takes a nap most everyday (as she is doing now) and I can't deny, I love naps and I take a nap with her... and sometimes sleep longer than she does. But lately, when she lays down to sleep I start thinking about all the things I say I want to do but don't have time to do. So I pick up one of the incredible books I've been reading (Til We Have Faces or Searching for God Knows What) and instead of sleeping I do something I enjoy. It almost makes sleeping disgusting to me... I told Kerrie the other day, if I'm going to waste my time, I want to waste it doing something fun.

I've been looking forward to nap time so I can have peace and quiet to pretend like I'm sleeping while I pray and read.

I wish typing weren't quite so noisy so I could blog and journal more!

The other day, when she was just waking up, I was outside taking pictures of the ice storm that--so far--has canceled classes for 2 and a half days. (Check out the icicles on the trees!)

All that to say, I've decided to stop living to sleep. Because there is so much more to live for--I'm pretty sure I don't want to miss it.

another letter to a friend:

2008-01-26T11:21:00.001-06:00

James 5:16 "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

(this is the last part of the email.)

It's so sad that I feel like I'm delivering bad news... I know how hard it is to feel like all you can do is pray. I get so mad at American churches and pastors... and art... that makes prayer look weak and like something only children do before they go to bed so that they won't have bad dreams. It is such an honor and privilege to have the ability to pray. We have our own connection with... GOD! Don't take that lightly. Please. Pray your heart out, not because there's nothing more you can do, but because there's nothing better you can do.

In the midst of my childishness...

2008-01-23T18:40:00.000-06:00

Lately I feel like everything I learn and try and discuss with people is way beneath them. I understand that the things I'm saying are pretty elementary, but just because something is simple doesn't mean it's not important.

So being frustrated with this, I haven't blogged very much.

But I had a thought tonight, so I'm going to tell you what it was. I have a friend who told me he likes to read books slowly so that they sink in more. Well, I was thinking about reading Blue Like Jazz again and I decided that I would rather read through a book 3 times quickly than once slowly while letting things sink in. So that is my new plan. I'm not going to read slowly, but quickly.

A Thought on Home

2008-01-08T15:47:00.000-06:00

It feels really good to be loved by the people you love.

A Conversation with God

2008-01-07T21:21:00.001-06:00

I just found this today. I wrote it right after highschool and I think I was going to send it to Brio to see if they would publish it.

Natalie turned over onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She’d already heard the crickets song at least six times and he began again outside her window. Slowly she eyed the fuzzy numbers on the clock across the room. She groaned, morning wasn’t even pretending to come soon.
She yanked the covers off, pulled her robe on tight and slipped on her monkey slippers. Opening the door, she tip-toed down the stairs and out her back door.
"What do you want?" she whispered to the stars.
"I just want to see your face again.”
Goosebumps climbed up her when she heard his voice. She sighed, “Why do you never let me sleep anymore?”
“Because when you’re asleep is when I think of the best things to say. I have so much to tell you, but I’ll only say a little: I love you.”
“You woke me up to tell me you love me?” Her smile crept up but she let it linger. “You could have told me that after my alarm went off.”
“But right now your focus is on me. I never get that when you were planning to be awake. I understand how busy you are. I’m not angry, but I would like to have some special attention—I am an only child.”
“I talked to you right before I fell asleep! Was that not special?”
He was so close she could feel him laugh. “Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking about your pillow while we talked; and you did seem to have your own plan on what we were going to talk about. I was just hoping we could talk some about what’s on my mind.”
“Alright…”
There was a moment of silence before his whisper came again, “I love you.”
She shut her eyes, “I love you, too.”
“Nat, I want to show you a side of me that most people can’t imagine. All day long you are seeking approval and trying to do everything perfectly. All you need to do is remember that I always have a smile on my face when I think of you. All that really matters is that I love you. Without any conditions.”
“I just don’t understand. I mean… why?”
“When does love ever really make sense, Nat? But I do and it will never change—not ever. I love you.”
One silent tear fell down Natalie’s cheek.
“You can go back to bed now.”

Living Insecurely or In Security

2007-12-27T02:42:00.000-06:00

This was the title of the 'sermon' I was going to write for our class in twentyfourseven.

Then I realized I was no where near having it figured out.

3 years later I don't think I've gotten any closer.

I think it's time I figure it out.

Wow.

2007-12-23T19:50:00.000-06:00

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz.

Chapter 18

2007-12-23T00:58:00.000-06:00

It doesn't matter how many times you've heard it or how many different ways you've heard it, C.S. Lewis always says it best:

The Enemy's demand on humans takes the form of a dilemma; either complete abstinence or unmitigated monogamy. Ever since our Father's first great victory, we have rendered the former very difficult to them. The latter, for the last few centuries, we have been closing up a way of escape. We have done this through the poets and novelists by persuading the humans that a curious, and usually shortlived, experience which they call 'being in love' is the only respectable ground for marriage; that marriage can, and ought to, render this excitement permanent; and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding...

Now comes the joke. The Enemy described a married couple as 'one flesh'. He did not say 'a happily married couple' or 'a couple who married because they were in love', but you can make humans ignore that...

In other words, the humans are to be encouraged to regard as the basis for marriage a highly-coloured and distorted version of something the Enemy really promises as its result.

Ah! I really like this book. If you have read it already, I just think this chapter is so interesting and might be worth a second read. Chapter 11 as well.

In Christ Alone

2007-12-23T00:43:00.001-06:00

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For every sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

I'm done.

2007-12-17T01:03:00.000-06:00

I'm done trying to impress.
I'm done trying to make the right decisions.
I'm just done.

Don't be sad for me. I'll be ready to begin again soon.

Change of Plans

2007-11-28T18:43:00.001-06:00

If my husband and I don't make enough money to get to take sweet vacations I'm going to quit my day job and go to stewardess school.

No, I'm not married.

Concentration!

2007-11-09T15:14:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting at work. Completely unable to focus. I'm kinda freaking out.

D.F.O.J.P. (I totally need some JH encouragement right now.)

I have a lot of homework to do tonight. And a lot of people who want to hang out, well a couple. It's so hard to say no even when I know I should. I also have an interview to be an RA in the morning and I'm really all tied up in knots about it. Uber nervous i guess you could say. I really hope I'm making good decions.

******There are lady bugs crawling around the window sill. :)******

I read in Joshua today, I keep hoping to learn more about my wonderful, faithful God. But when I open my daily Bible right now all I'm getting is "And this clan was given the land stretching from this place to that one." and then the Psalms: "God my enemies are attacking me. Kill them!" There was a cool verse about God's love today, but it was completely surrounded by all David's issues... I'll go find it and show you. :)

Psalm 57:16-17 (The Message)
And me? I'm singing your prowess, shouting at cockcrow your largesse, For you've been a safe place for me, a good place to hide. Strong God, I'm watching you do it, I can always count on you—God, my dependable love.

Because God is killing off all his enemies, David can count on Him and He is his dependable love. It's just kinda weird. Maybe I should check it out in the NIV/NLT too. ??

Ok, I need to try to get back to concentrating. Ay yaiy yaiy!

Same ole...

2007-11-07T17:31:00.000-06:00

I haven't as good about blogging as I was getting there for a little while...

I realized that I've been thinking about the same thing I usually think about when I stop blogging. Pastor Ted.

On a brighter note... Vivina doesn't have malaria!

I'm going to start looking for more brighter notes.

Oh and I am happy to say that I now know that used and supposed DO have d's on the end! I've wondered for such a long time! I used to wonder and I was supposed to know, and know I do!

I swear!

2007-11-05T17:16:00.000-06:00

Well, no not literally, I don't.

I don't understand how everything happens all at once! Right when I start my period!

I wrote an email to someone and had waited for a response so long I assumed it got buried in the inbox so far down that she'd never see it again and we'd probably never be on speaking terms again.

Last weekend I found out my Grandma's been having heart trouble. I didn't really know what was going on, but heart trouble could always end really badly. I was still okay though.

I woke up this morning to a message from my best friend. She has malaria. Wow, that really sucks.

As I'm walking back to my room I realize that today is that fateful day of the month. (Never talked about it in a blog before...) which just makes today the worst possible day of the month.

I check my email and sure enough... there is the response... only it's the one i didn't want to hear.

Within 5 min. my mom calls and sorta explains the malaria situation. She asks how I am. So what do I do? Of course. I cry.

I just can't take it anymore. So:

I swear that emotions have nothing to do with PMS, but that Satan knows when we're going to start our periods and throws everything he can at us then. 'Cause then everyone can give an excuse for our sudden burst of emotion and even though we know that it's actually the circumstances around us at the time, no one will ever believe us.

SIGH

2007-10-19T18:26:00.000-05:00

Wow! God is so freaking faithful! Even when I'm really bad at being faithful!

Well, I'm 21. It's crazy how my responsibility level shot through the roof when it happened too! I mean... all of a sudden I have a fish to take care of and I have a job and I have to make sure I'm passing my classes! (Ok... so I had to do that last one before I was 21 too, but I was failing worse than ever before this semester. But only in one class. And it's only a very fixable D.) So anyway...

I GOT A JOB! It's such a God thing! Nikki, my hall director, told me that the RA applications would be available Monday of next week. Well, then she told me the next time she saw me that she put one on my door! So I came back to my room and started filling it out and trying to decide who I would get to fill out my references. Well, I decided to ask the lady in admissions that I met the first weekend here. So I sent her an email and she said, "Love to. P.S. You were looking for a job last time I talked to you right? Call Steve." (Condensed version.)

I called Steve and he said, "Can you come in and talk to me tomorrow?"

So I said, "Absolutely!"

I went straight after my last class at 11:50 and he pretty much said, "Good to meet you, you want to go get lunch and clock in after that?"

So, guess what I'm doing? Data-Entry! Haha! isn't that great! Their office is open from 8-5 M-F and it's fine for me to leave on Holidays, but if I want to work then, that's fine too.

It's perfect. I'm stoked.

And I have a fish named Fonzie. He's hot! "He's ... very vigorous father." :)

Thanksgiving

2007-10-08T20:55:00.000-05:00

I'm giving thanks for Thanksgiving. Here's why:

-ONE-

Mom and Dad bought me a plane ticket!

-TWO-

James Hagen is coming!

-THREE-

I will be home on a Sunday!
(I get to hear my new Senior Pastor for the 1stx)
(Swing dancingis on Sundays)

REL215

2007-10-02T11:12:00.000-05:00

Relationships and Culture

You know what's kinda cool? In Missouri, if a guy likes girl he asks her to go to dinner and a movie. He opens doors for her, he pays for everything, he says nice things about her. I didn't know that guys like that still exsited! Problem is, I didn't take the class on relationships in Southeast Missouri, so I still expected guys to be like guys in Colorado. Since I've gotten two offers for dinner and movies this week, I realized that the guys here really are different. I don't know what it is about the guys in CO. but the first time I ever got asked out, 1) I was 13...so I said no. 2) He was from Washington! Not a Colorado boy at all! Other than him, I don' t know that I have ever been simply asked out on a date. (Oh! I did get a couple of brave text messages from guys! Definitely turned them down too. Never text for a real date!) I've gotten lots of lets "get coffee cause we're friends." Then when we start spending time together 24/7 i usually have to step in and say something. "You either need to make this official or back off." They don't usually like that, but it has been very essential in my dealings with guys, and they usually decide to back off. I guess I got so used to that, that i don't even know what to do here!

I feel weird saying no, because that wasn't really acceptable back home, and why not "get coffee cause we're friends?" So apparently I was--oh what is it the psychologists say?--conditioned to always say yes. Wish i could go back and fix that! Now that I've sorta said yes to one guy I have no idea what I'm suppose to do, because I think he made it pretty clear it's a date, but that's never happened to me before!!!

Oh, joy! I need some serious guidance and help. I kinda think God is just enjoying watching
this comedic portion of my life, cause all I'm hearing from up above is all laughter and no guidance.

«My Aunt just sent me a link to an article about this same thing. Here's a clip, but the whole thing is really good.»

"The past several guys I dated inspired me to reflect on Gun and this idea of pursuit. These men were nice enough, but I sensed they take a low-risk approach to relationships. The dates never progressed beyond the "meet you for coffee" variety: split the distance halfway, split the bill halfway, go our separate ways. I'm not trying to indict them—after all, being a man can't be easy these days, with the ambiguity of gender roles, the unclear expectations of women, the risk of appearing too chivalrous or not chivalrous enough. But, when a man I've known casually for a while asked me to dinner last week, the contrast was striking. I'm certainly not looking for someone to throw around money or pamper me. Yet it was so refreshing, so honoring to realize this person is willing to put thought into what I might like, to spend some of his hard-earned money taking me to dinner—in short, to pursue me."

Forgiveness

2007-10-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

70 x 7=490
I've been trying to figure this out. Do you actually allow someone to hurt you 490 times? Do you forgive them so much that you let them do it again and again? When someone hurts me I forgive, but I don't stay close enough to allow them to do it to me again. "Dog bites you once shame on him, he bites you twice..." (Night at the Museum) "shame on you." Is that Biblical? I mean, it's common sense to me. But maybe there is something else there in that passage that I've never seen before. I suppose I'll have to do a little research and get back to you. Comments are always nice, too.

Shhh!

2007-09-28T01:11:00.001-05:00

I went to the BSU worship night last night and one of my new friends spoke about some things God's showing her and she read a verse that hit me in a good way.

My last blog I said something about how I haven't been very talkative lately and I was going to say something that I forgot to say. So I'll say it now: one reason I haven't said very much lately is because I feel like when i do open my mouth whatever i say comes out really stupid and I just end up thinking to myself, maybe I have a lot more to learn on this topic than I thought. Well, my favorite book in the Bibile is Ecclesiastes and that's where Kim read from last night.

Ecclesiastes 5:2-7
...Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.... Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.

I love Him.

(The Message) --just because i'm addicted--
Don't shoot off your mouth, or speak before you think. Don't be too quick to tell God what you think he wants to hear. God's in charge, not you—the less you speak, the better. Overwork makes for restless sleep. Overtalk shows you up as a fool. But against all illusion and fantasy and empty talk there's always this rock foundation: Fear God!

When the Rain Comes

2007-09-26T17:13:00.000-05:00

I just finished Kristen Heitzmann's 16th novel that came out September 1st. It was quite possibly her best ever. I wish that the front cover didn't say, "the captivating conclusion to Secrets and Unforgotten," because now the characters that i have known and loved for probably 7 years are no more. I want to hear Star's story and Rico's and more of Matt's and Carly's life (I'm still hopeful that she'll begin a new series about Carly.) I want to know about Lance and Rese's kids and grandkids...or even great grandkids like I got to know Carina and Quillan's. But that's not what I planned to write about now. Just wanted to let you know that Kristen Heitzmann is the best fictional author in the entire world.

I haven't been very talkative lately. It's strange to feel like I would rather sit in my room and read than try and keep a conversation going. I have really enjoyed making friends and spending time with people this week. I went to Panera Bread for the 3rd time this week today. But for some reason I find myself struggling to have anything to talk about. I've been tired and very easily distracted. Then I don't hear what people say and have no response, but I really don't mind sitting in silence with people. I wish that others didn't mind it either. There is something beautiful about silence. Golden doesn't even fit. Not enough.

When I closed the last page of the book just now, the rain began to hit my window. Then I heard the thunder. And I sat for a moment in awe of God. Vivina would share it with me. I love her so much! She would just sit and listen to the thunder with me and we wouldn't have to say anything at all, and be perfectly content. But for now, while I'm here at SEMO, I'm enjoying the times I sit alone. No pressure to think anything or say anything. I can simply enjoy the storm. There is a song that Third Day sang on their album come together. My brother used to play in on his guitar:

When the rain comes it seems that everyone has gone away.
When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you till it goes away

When the rain comes you blame it all on things that you have done
When the storm fades you know the rain must fall on everyone
So rest awhile
It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do

When the rain comes
I will hold you

Dancing in the Clouds

2007-09-20T23:56:00.000-05:00

It's crazy how much I miss dancing. I wish I could put it in to words, but since I know I can't I'll tell you about my night.

I've been talking about dancing to everyone, trying to find someone who knows the area and if there's a place to dance, but more importantly someone who knows how to dance. No luck. finally tonight after hanging out with my friend I came back to my room and turned on Michael Bublé. I just did the basic steps most of the time, but I spun myself a few times and even dipped myself once! And it was pretty... just so you don't laugh at the thought of me dipping myself, it worked and it was pretty. It's weird though, I could practically smell my "partner". That made me think maybe it's more than just the dancing I miss, maybe it's the closeness it brought with all my friends.

Cause if you think about it, when is it socially acceptable to be "in" 5 or 6 guys arms in one night? haha! But it really is a beautiful thing. You learn how to work with someone, you learn their style and learn to move with them and support them and make them look good and they make you look good. You learn how to talk and have fun with perfect strangers. Of all my favorite moments... my most favorite was when Justin pulled me out into a dance circle. He told me afterwards, "You're the only girl who's danced with me long enough and knows me well enough." As I danced tonight I could practically feel just from the music which direction he'd have sent me and how he'd wait for the perfect moment for the big dramatic dip at the end. I miss being that close to people.

James 5:16

2007-09-14T22:49:00.001-05:00

Who do you confess your sins to?

Just Different

2007-09-14T13:35:00.000-05:00

I was walking from Johnson to back to my dorm today and overheard a conversation about a missionary somewhere doing something. I started thinking about how different everything is here and how I get excited to be around things that are familiar... mostly when it comes to Christians. I'm so used to being around people who love Jesus with all their hearts and it's kinda hard not to tell. (Now I did go to PPCC, so I'm not saying that I'm used to being around only this kind of person. But what can I say? I have a lot of amazing friends!) So as I was listening to these two girls talk, I kinda though to myself, "Maybe those are people who actually love God!"

This is the part where God reminds me that I'm not suppose to be judgmental. So we discuss for a little while and I remind myself that my way's not the only way (funny... I wrote a paper on this last week...) Just because it's not done my way doesn't make it wrong, just different. That's it. Nothing else. Just different. Someone who goes to a baptist church and doesn't dance or participate in discussion in any way just might love God more than I do! Just because their worship looks different than mine doesn't mean it's not worship. It's just different.

That was just a quick thought before I take a nap, before I write a paper. :) Have a wonderful day!

This really surprised me, it's cool!

2007-09-09T23:46:00.000-05:00

This is the truth

If you turn things upside down
You can’t hope for your life to change
I would by lying to you if I said that
You have a great future ahead of you
That you can recover from your past mistakes
That your life could be filled with joy
That your children could be safe and healthy
More than anything you must know
Human beings cannot accomplish these things
And I am convinced of this because I know you
All you are capable of is failure
You have made a complete mess of your life and
I refuse to believe under any circumstances that
You can turn things around in the coming years
You may think your life is bad now but
There’s more to come
You have only one destiny
And whether you like it or not
This is what is real
I am the Lord your God
You should know that I believe the exact opposite.

I am the Lord your God
This is what is real
And whether you like it or not
You have only one destiny
There’s more to come
You may think your life is bad now but
You can turn things around in the coming years
I refuse to believe under any circumstances that
You have made a complete mess of your life and
All you are capable of is failure
And I am convinced of this because I know you
Human beings cannot accomplish these things
More than anything you must know
That your children could be safe and healthy
That your life could be filled with joy
That you can recover from your past mistakes
You have a great future ahead of you
I would by lying to you if I said that
You can’t hope for your life to change
If you turn things upside down

This is the truth

You like sex? -or- The day I made friends with a fly.

2007-09-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

It's been raining the last couple days, I love rain. But as the song goes, "Lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have I."

Of all the hard days I've had, the last two rainy days have been the hardest. I got up at 8 this morning and went to calculus. In between that and my next class, I started having credit card issues (I wasn't sure what it was at the time but I couldn't log into my account because of someone possible having my info ??? I have since understood the problem.) there's not much else that'll freak a person out like that will! So then I had to go to EN140, not my favorite class...possibly my least favorite class. Some guy started talking to me that I'd met on Wednesday, so I asked him to remind me his name, but I'll leave it anonymous. Over the past few weeks I've learned to really appreciate people taking the time to talk to me. So we chatted until class started, then he wrote me notes. His final question, I chose not to read. "you like sex?" I was so disgusted! I was almost like kindergarten (not that ever went or had this experience myself) for college kids!

Will you have sex with me?
Check
yes
no

or perhaps more collegiate:
You like to have sex with big black football players? ____ (T/F)

So then as i walked out of the building, since I so deliberately ignored the piece of paper, he asked me. "You like sex?"

Gaping I said, "No." With my strongest "you're an idiot!" look ever.

Then I went to French. As I walked out of Art (The foreign language building) my stomach growled and I headed to the UC for a toasted roast beef sub, soda and some baked nacho chips. I found a little table in the corner where no one would find me. When i first sat down I saw a fly on the window next to me. Just sitting there. After I finished my sandwich I realized he still hadn't flown away. And then it reminded me of Katie, Anne's window friend. He had such a sweet face! So I asked his name, it's Jack, and told him I'd be his friend. We'll always have each other. For as long as the sun and the moon shall endure.

15 min until class...

2007-09-05T14:12:00.000-05:00

And I wanted to write something!

I miss my family.

I miss watching The Suite Life of Zach and Cody with my sisters.
I miss getting hugs from my family. Victoria's wiggly hugs, Rebecca's loving, sincere hugs. Joshie's sweet little brother hugs. Daddy's protecting and strong hugs. Mom's bedtime hugs.
I miss getting beat at Settlers.
I miss driving to church and drinking sodas at 8 in the morning.

I miss my friends.

I miss dancing. A lot.
I miss worshiping and discussing the Bible.
I miss their hugs, too.

I love my now not so distant family. My g'ma and g'pa, aunts, uncle, cousins. I had such an amazing relaxing weekend! It was so wonderful!

I'm learning to make new friends, but reminding myself that I came here for school, not a new social life. I wouldn't have had to leave CO if that was the only reason. 'cause I have amazing friends. (Thanks guys.)

I'm learning to enjoy this strange new world.

I'm dying to take some pictures! It's really beautiful here.

I kinda want to get a job, but I kinda want to join a sorority instead... maybe.

I want to run for something. I wish I knew what. :) Hall council is my plan, administrative assistant to the president sounds like fun to me.

I want to go to Italy and Greece, but I'm okay with God having other plans... just so long as those plans have to do with traveling somewhere sometime soon. (I've been in America for a year consistently now! And this is where I start to get antsy.

I want to have meaningful times with God. I want to be able to speak out about my faith and all the great things he's done in me and it change people's lives.

I want to go to U.S. Political Systems and learn about our government. So that's exactly what I'm going to be doing... at least until 3:45. (After that I'll be RUSHing. :) Scary!)

Discussion, Please?

2007-08-31T17:53:00.001-05:00

What is God doing in your life?
Whether it be something he's helping you overcome?
Or something you're learning?
Something you're being challenged by?
Anything really.

What is God doing in your life?
I really want to know.

Excerpts from James--The Message

2007-08-31T16:49:00.000-05:00

James 3:?

...Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.... A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it?

James 3:13
Live well, live wisely, live humbly.

James 4:1-2, ?
Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to.... And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find.

And this is the best one:
James 4:7-10
So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.

Another letter to a friend:

2007-08-29T14:41:00.000-05:00

"A little more than I felt like texting :)

I've been in sorta a slump today... really tired with a killer headache and lots of things on my calendar. I was riding a shuttle after lunch and just really wanted to turn on some Michael Buble... After desperation I completely stopped listening to that kind of music because I found that when I listened to, say, something like silas or hillsongs I felt so much better... umm... so encouraged? or maybe empowered is a better word. I felt really empowered to go out and make changes in my life and in the world. But now here I am... thinking about myself again I guess. And all it makes me want to do is slip back into my country music/Michael Buble funk.

I just thought you'd probably understand and I guess I thought I needed that right now. :) Thanks for being such a good friend that I can talk to just because. I appreciate you a lot.

Lia"

I felt like Michael Buble would make everything feel better. But now I realize that it's only because I'm thinking only about me. If I weren't so focused on myself right now I wouldn't be craving his music, I would be craving the life giving spirit filled music.

Coming Home

2007-08-25T00:32:00.000-05:00

I think one of the hardest things for me is coming "home" to an empty "house". It just makes life seem really depressing.

Church This Morning

2007-08-19T22:09:00.000-05:00

I woke up early this morning and went to the Baptist Student Union for their Find-A-Church day and found this girl, Natalie, who's family is living in the Springs! :) So I decided to go to Lynwood Baptist Church with her! We were in Sunday school and their teacher started talking about who John the Baptist is and what he was doing. "Prepare the way for the Lord!" Right? Well, he started asking what that meant and the conclusion was, you have to get your heart right before the Lord comes. And I wanted to shout "BULL!" But I didn't. I think this kinda what got me so confused about stuff. You can't fix yourself up before Jesus, because you can't fix yourself without Jesus. So what was John the Baptist there for??

First few days:

2007-08-18T09:32:00.001-05:00

It took me a little bit to figure out the whole internet thing here in Missouri... a little bit equaling about 2 days. Sorry for not updating sooner.

The drive was long, but I had some great time with God and I got to stop and see Audrey (used to be) Wilkerson, my grandparents and my cousins. My roommate got an email with my name and number on Monday so we were finally able to get in touch. (She brought a brown and pink rug! How amazing is that?) I came to the college on Thursday morning at 9:00 and got my room key and my parking permit. ($95 bucks for me to park a mile and a half from my hall!?!? If I don't come home in shape I need someone to slap me upside the face!)

My roommate, Shannon, got here about 11/11:30 and then we started arranging the room and now it looks a lot less like a prison. :) I'm just having trouble getting stuff to stay on the walls. My cork board and whiteboard keep falling. :( No it's actually REALLY cute in here. Definitely a place I'll be able to call home for the year. And Shannon seems really great. She seems to have come from a Christian (Baptist) Home, and isn't really sure if she wants to keep following, but she doesn't seem like she's completely turned her back on God, maybe I'll be able to show her how amazing he is! My suite mates had Hillsong United on in their room last night and I told them I love them and that they were at my church last year. So it's kinda nice that there is someone around who knows my music!! :) Maybe I'll introduce them to Desperation.

I think I'm gonna come back to school on Sunday (I'm gonna stay with G'ma and G'pa tonight) for the BSU "Find-a-church" Day and then try and go to the Sorority informational and see if that might be something God has for me?? Who knows.

Oh, the other thing. We had this mandatory thing yesterday where we talked about the "myths" of the college. There is a haunted dorm... etc. Well, the lady that was in charge of our group really seems to like me. She told me to come visit her in her office and I told her I'd love to do that and that I'd love to talk to her about a work study with her. So I'm going to go by there on Monday. :) I might have a job already! Right across the street from my dorm!

Sweet!!!

Oh and Highschool Musical 2 came out yesterday, but I'm waiting until I get home so I can watch it with my sisters. :)

That's all for now, folks!

Multimedia message

2007-08-14T17:03:00.001-05:00

I'm on my way to kansas! And i got my nose pierced. And the clouds are gorgeous. :)

No Longer a Quitter

2007-08-07T17:17:00.000-05:00

I just want to say that I never wanted to go to PPCC. But I did. And I graduated.

I'm kinda known in my family as the one who never finishes what she starts. I'd ask Dan to play games when we were little and he would say, "Only if you promise not to quit when you start losing." (Thanks for that, by the way. ;) ) I pretty much have never pursued something long enough to be great at it.

I'm ok at playing the violin.
I'm ok at volleyball.
I'm ok at photography. (still working here though.)

One thing I have done pretty well I would say is friendships. I don't like to let them go. But is now off subject and I'm moving back.

When I quit twentyfourseven I felt like it was the final straw to my family. "She'll never finish anything." And I'm not saying that I finished PPCC to prove my family wrong. I think it would be more correct to say that I finished to prove to myself that I can finish but even more to shove those words down Satan's throat. Because the truth is, it wasn't coming from my family, but him. Yes, all I have is an associates degree. But-- I graduated from SOMETHING. And it feels really good.

I'm proud to be able to say that I'm no longer a quitter.

Kill the Devil.

2007-08-04T00:35:00.000-05:00

I think that people don't give Satan enough credit. We sing and dance little song that are suppose to intimidate him. "Satan is under my feet..." But honestly, he's done a good job. I hate him for it. I hate what a good job he's done at destroying some of my friends lives, my pastor's life, I hate what a good job he'd (notice past tense) done and getting me to believe I wasn't who God's made me.

We act like there isn't really a battle out there that needs fighting. "All people have to do is say, 'go away in Jesus name' and everything will be hunky-dory." Well, then, why isn't everything hunky-dory? Why do I have multiple friends who've committed suicide? Why do I have friends turning to drugs and alcohol? Why do i know so many people without parents who love each other? Why do I know so many people with bitterness and unforgiveness so strong inside them they have no one left to trust? Because people aren't fighting.

Don't act like Satan is some pansy. He's not the little Bowser in the first castle. But just like Mario has to work hard and practice on the little Bowsers in order to even get to the final bowser, we've gotta start preparing for battle. He's good. We're better, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Don't let yourself believe it's easy. Start fighting the little one's now so that when you get to the final castle you'll know how to win. Fight the temptations, fight the thoughts, fill up on the word and with the Holy Spirit.

A Thought Provoking Day

2007-08-03T23:58:00.000-05:00

So I was reading my Bible in a Year Message version today and read some really great stuff in Psalms 50 (there was amazing stuff before this, but this is what God brought back to my attention tonight):

16-23
Next, God calls up the wicked: "What are you up to, quoting my laws,
talking like we are good friends?
You never answer the door when I call;
you treat my words like garbage....
I kept a quiet patience while you did these things;
you thought I went along with your game.
I'm calling you on the carpet, now,
laying your wickedness out in plain sight.
Time's up for playing fast and
loose with me.
I'm ready to pass sentence,
and there's no help in sight!
It's the praising life that honors me.
As soon as you set your foot on the Way,
I'll show you my salvation."

I'm kinda ashamed to say what went down in my head today. I was at worship at theMill and somehow started thinking about how.... ok, gotta start at the beginning. When i got back to CO from Alabama, I had this new group of friends (co-leaders of mine at my small group.) We did everything together, including going to church 4 or 5 times a week. Well, time has passed, relationships between us have come and gone (or come and they've gotten married), the church has been through a crisis, and now I never see any of them at church... ever. I thought I saw one guy tonight, during worship out of the corner of my eye and I thought to myself. "God, I'm so grateful that I've turned out better than any of them." Now I swear it didn't sound conceited at first, I didn't even mean it to be conceited. I was genuinely thanking God that I haven't slidden/slided ??? But then I realized that it was totally judgmental. And God brought this verse back to my mind. "talking like we are good friends?" It was kinda like he said, stop thinking about how great you are and others aren't. That's not worship. "It's the praising life that honors me. As soon as you set your foot on the Way, I'll show you my salvation." It was cool, cause after that I was totally able to refocus. I needed a momentary slap upside the face and then (just like after a spanking I got a hug from my mom/dad accompanied by an I love you) he says,

"I'll show you my salvation." Why do we fall down, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up. There's no condemnation in the falling down, just so long as we can go back to setting our feet on the Way.

And here it is!

2007-08-01T10:04:00.000-05:00

(P.S. My brother wrote this for Pastor Lance:)

Dear New Life Church family and friends,

The Pastoral Selection Committee (PSC) has spent the past eight months diligently seeking the Lord's guidance for our next senior pastor. After cumulative weeks of discussion and dozens of hours of interviews, we have selected Pastor Brady Boyd, whom we believe is qualified, gifted, and anointed to fill that role.

Brady is an associate senior pastor at Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas. Before coming to Gateway in 2001, Pastor Brady served as the senior pastor of Trinity Fellowship Church in Hereford, Texas. After meeting with him extensively, we believe his heart and vision align closely with the heart and vision of New Life Church. He has strong leadership gifts, significant experience and training in senior pastoral ministry, and a passion for teaching the Scriptures. He is a man of character, proven experience, and good reputation. I am pleased to say that our committee, comprised of men and women of various backgrounds and diverse opinions, has agreed to recommend Brady to be the next senior pastor of New Life Church.

According to our bylaws, the PSC is charged with choosing a suitable candidate for the senior pastor position. The board of overseers must then approve the candidate before he is recommended to the church. After that, he will speak in all of the weekend services for three weeks, and then the congregation will vote whether to accept him as the new senior pastor; a two-thirds positive vote is required.

Brady has met with the overseers and they enthusiastically approved him; soon our church family will have the opportunity to meet him as well. Brady's first Sunday with us will be August 12. During the three weeks of his candidacy, we will host "family meetings" during the Sunday evening services. These gatherings will provide opportunities for our church family to get to know Brady in a relaxed question-and-answer setting. Ultimately, the membership will convene on Monday, August 27 for the vote.

I look forward to the opportunity for you to meet Brady; until then, we have provided information about him on our website-- http://www.newlifechurch.org. This coming Sunday, August 5, Pastor Larry Stockstill will be here to share with us from the Word of God and help focus us forward.

Finally, on behalf of the entire PSC let me offer my sincere thanks for your prayers, encouragement, input, patience, and support. This decision is not one we have taken lightly, and we are grateful for the opportunity to serve you, our church family.

Humbled to serve God with you all,

Lance Coles
PSC Chairman

New Favorite Quote

2007-07-30T09:23:00.001-05:00

"I want to see myself the way I would be
And others the way they could be." ~Lia Renee

Just a Quicky (I have two chapters worth of Accounting to get done by 7:00)

2007-07-29T13:51:00.001-05:00

I thought I'd update my list:

1. Vivina
2. Kristen
3. April
4. Erin K.
5. Barb

5. Mountains and Valleys (AKA: The Mediocrity of Life and the Greatness of God.)

2007-07-28T23:03:00.000-05:00

(3 & 4 Will come later... I just thought I'd go ahead and post this one while it's so fresh.)

Well, this weekend has gotten me more amped about God than I have been in a long time. I'm excited for going to Missouri and getting to meet new people who need Jesus. I'm excited to be reading Deuteronomy (and I'll admit, I'm excited I'm almost through it!) I'm excited about prayer. I'm trusting God. And it feels amazing.

But I've been finding this week that just because I'm amped doesn't mean that the lives of the people around me don't suck. There has been so much junk happening to my friends (KILL THE DEVIL) that it kinda sent me into a confused circle for a little bit. I wanted to tell them about all the things God is doing in me and how he's changed me in the last week, but they just need someone to be there with them while their life sucks. So while i was with one friend it finally kinda clicked. Here comes the blubber in my head and hopefully it'll make sense in the end:

I think God brings those who are on the mountains to people in the valleys so that they can be strength to those who need it. Here I am on a mountain top with very few others with me, but all around me that are people who need encouragement and need to hear the things I've been learning. The reason God brought me up here is so that I can reach out to others. It's not for myself at all. I've learned how much life is so just ok without God and so incredible with him, but he allowed me to see how incredible it is with him so that I can share it.

Ok. That's all for tonight. :) Here's another picture of my favorite sky in the world. God's the best artist ever.

3. We win! Because He overcame. / 4. You need friends who talk about Jesus.

2007-07-27T00:13:00.000-05:00

3. is really all about a song:

All authority, every victory is yours!

Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise
For you overcame.

Jesus, awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is your name
For you overcame.

We will overcome, by the blood of the lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone, Overcome.

Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." It's already done. He's already won! (And you don't have a chance!) I need to keep this in mind a little more often.

4. Hanging out with James the weekend of desperation opened my eyes up to what Christian relationships should look like. Here's what most of my relationships look like:

Everyone else's (world's)
+
A little Bible reading at Small Group

Ok, maybe there's a little more encouragement than everyone else's relationships. But the drama is still there (no matter how much I don't like it.) Really I can't think of many ways that it differs besides throwing in a couple of hellos at church etc. We go out to eat, we're sarcastic, we go see movies. But how often do I actually talk to people about what God is doing in me and what he's doing in them? Hmmm.... maybe if I have to at church. But only every once in a while.

So here's what I noticed, when I was in Cali and the weekend of Desperation: James talks about what God's doing in him all the time! SO frickin AWESOME! Hearing what God's doing in others makes me WANT God to do something in ME so that then I have something to tell them TOO!!! So I've started practicing it! I've been talking to people about what God's doing in me and they give me an, "Oh, that's sweet!" And so far, no one has really had anything to say, but I'm thinking if I keep staying open about what's going on in me, they'll eventually have something to say too! It gets me excited.

2. I need to be real

2007-07-26T23:18:00.000-05:00

Tim, how do you add sound clips to these things? Can you add sermons that are like 75 min long? Cause that's really what this post needs to be. I have a sermon on iTunes I'd love for everyone to hear. It's by John Lynch and it's called Room of Grace.

If not, listen to New Life's Sunday Night Podcast, July 22nd, "The God of the Grotesque."

And maybe Sunday Mornings Podcast... but I can't remember which one it was... must've been July 15th "Becoming Who you Already Are."

But John Lynch's is the best.

1. I can't do it on my own

2007-07-26T22:54:00.000-05:00

I was trying to go to the desperation conference this weekend and I realized something about myself that I didn't know before. I like to think I can figure things out by myself. I never knew it before!

There was an alter call of some sort and I thought, "This is a really cool idea, God, let's talk about this more, I really want to figure this out." Sunday, David Perkins spoke again and he threw in a little blurb about accountability and how we need people in our lives helping us grow. It was crazy cause the whole weekend, I felt like God was telling me that I need to stop thinking I can do it on my own.

We weren't meant to figure out how to live like Christians on our own. We weren't meant to overcome on our own. God wants us to be connected to people so that we can learn and grow and become more like him. I guess I've always kinda known that, but I haven't been living it much lately. I need people in my life. And I'm more thankful to have them than I have been in a long time. :)

So, thank you.

Crazy week...

2007-07-26T17:23:00.000-05:00

I'll tell you about it but first... Here's what I've been learning.

1. I can't do it on my own.
2. I need to be real.
3. We win! Because He overcame.
4. You need friends who talk about Jesus.
5. Some people are on Mountains and some are in Valleys.

I'll elaborate more later. :D

PS God is awesome! Don't forget to step out of traffic and take a long loving look at Him!